Baker’s Dozen of Essay Bloopers
To fail an essay, follow these 13 guidelines.

• Write a title that is simply the question in disguise, like The Significance of the Title of "Story of an Hour."

• Include NO original thought. Simply repeat ideas from the class discussion.

• Forget to name the story and author. (Or misspell the name of the author or the characters.)

• Don’t bother to quote the author’s words.

• Don’t bother to integrate the quotes.

• Don’t bother to correctly cite the author’s words.

• Make sweeping, global statements, such as, "This is an indication that things will come to her later and happiness will be hers," and provide NO text support for your reasoning.

• Make DUH statements, such as "The titles of short stories could show some sort of significance to the actual reader.")

• Write about yourself instead of the story. ("Before I read something, I look at the title and try to analyze what the story is about.")

• Use "this" with no noun following it. ("This means…"or "This is ironic ….)

• Switch verb tenses throughout the essay instead of staying in present tense.

• Praise the author with statements such as, "This is a tremendous story." (It’s in the anthology, remember?)

• Use the conclusion to restate your ideas. (Do you think I can’t remember what you just said?) Instead, make a forceful, final point.

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